Went to see the “Life in a Day” at Berlinale yesterday. Amazing, I really enjoyed it, and marveled at the type of stories that come together when the whole world is contributing. Remarkable. Afterwards, I went back home and worked more on my animation project. I realised that I need to have something running in the background – on TV – to enjoy it. It’s about not feeling entirely alone or something.
M went to the Berlinale also yesterday. She didn’t spend the night here. She says she gets a hotel room as a journalist. But I wonder whether she is telling me that because she thinks it might make me feel better, and she might really be spending the nights someplace else. It doesn’t really matter. I have been thinking again about how we interact and relate to each other while we’re here. I get annoyed because I feel she isn’t really interested in what I have to say. She can spend hours chatting with other people, while she barely seems to have minutes to talk to me about things, always rushing, always running, to be someplace else. That is one of the reasons why our relationship didn’t work out. And I don’t know how much of a friendship we really have.
I guess I just felt very lonely this morning. And I may be doing her wrong. We talked later, about this, too. I think I am sometimes still confusing the fact that we have this flatshare at the moment, and that we used to have something else. And that I rely on her, at least in some ways, emotionally, when I do feel lonely.
I have to admit to myself: I really do dislike being single. Always have.