I’ve had health issues again. Last weekend, my parents came to visit. I try to see them frequently (once a month) – they are getting older, I am noticing it. And I am really, really scared of one of them passing away, accepting that finally both of them will no longer be here. I want them to have grandchildren, I want them to know that I have a family of my own, I want them to see me sailing my own boat entirely. Their visits are always somewhat taxing – emotionally, I guess. I can’t really explain it. I am sad, and anxious about them, my father has been very gloomy lately. On Sunday night, we had a silly fight – my mother and I, about something so silly that I’m not going to mention it. It lead to my father being very upset. And all of it stressed me out, too.
So early last week I had these same symptoms again that I had during my vacation – a rapidly beating heart, and trouble with the breathing. On Monday and Tuesday I was travelling, I spoke with Tone and cancelled a meeting on Wednesday and went to the Doctor. They found nothing wrong with neither heart nor lungs. And so we agreed that it’s the stress. The Doctor said that he could certify that I am sick and need to stop working for three weeks or so. I explained that that wouldn’t change so much. And that I have to reorganise my worklife, in order to have a healthier life. There is just a lot of pressure; or maybe I am just creating my own pressure. Recently I started dreaming about an IPO for our company. And as I am writing this, I am realising that I really need to start thinking about how my everyday life now (not after we sold the company) can be fulfilling and fun. It’s not always easy.
There were also appointments in the second half of the week, but they went well, and I still managed to keep a healthier mental pace. I am having a close look at my calender, trying to keep breaks in there, and trying to not overtax me. I need to be watching myself. Closely. Luckily, Tone understands and helps.
This weekend is a travel weekend again. As I am typing this, I’m sitting at my parents’ table in the dining/living room – only passing through, on my way to the Western part of the country where there is a family event, to which only I can go because they are going on a trip tomorrow.
I look forward to the next weekend, which I will spend entirely at home, with nothing on the agenda. I hope I can keep it that way.
I think I may have started flirting with a South American girl who lives in Madrid – on Twitter and Facebook. Or maybe I haven’t. But I’d like to meet her in Madrid in June. Let’s see if that works out. I have also pretty much completely stopped thinking about Caren. And I am hardly emailing her. She notices that and goes mum herself.