It’s almost been a month since I have last written here. A lot has been going on again. But my desire to write about it wasn’t really strong. I have been enjoying my time with B tremendously. It’s basically remained as easy and as beautiful as I have described it before. A couple of times that we spent apart turned out just a wee bit difficult; she was travelling and I was travelling and she didn’t seem to have as much a need to communicate as I did. But nothing to even remotely call a problem. On one occasion, we both happened to be in London during the same week and weekend, but because of our agendas there, which we had fixed before we even knew each other, we only met really briefly for coffee. B met my old friend Anjeli that way who afterwards spoke very highly of her and said that it seems that maybe for the first time I seem to have met someone who is clear and level-headed and kind and smart and beautiful and good for me. And I think she is right.
Work was tiresome at times in December, we’re dealing with a particularly difficult client, and that has an impact on my job. I went to meetings in Italy (where an otherwise smart and interesting colleague there told me that she wanted Berlusconi back … what do you answer when someone says that?), and to London. And I am still trying to figure out how to best organise work with my new colleague.
I spent a fairly relaxed and nice Christmas with my parents. B was in Berlin with her family, but also had an – as it turned out – fairly complicated and ego-centric (girl-)friend stay over at her place, who made life difficult for her. In the week between Christmas and New Year’s, I was working … not as much as I should have, mainly because of the evenings and nights spent with B. On Thursday night before New Year’s, we went to the movies (The Ides of March, good film!), and then spent a wonderful night at my place. Which also means that I slept very little … It’s amazing how long it takes to get used to sharing a bed with someone again. Particularly someone who feels so wonderful, who is so exciting, who makes me so happy to be close to. I do suffer when I don’t sleep, but at the same time I already regret the day when I will be able to calmly sleep beside her.
On Friday morning, we’d been meaning to be disciplined and get up early, but of course the opposite happened … finally we ended up chatting in my kitchen until past 11, even though we both should have been working, and working early and with the concentration that only an early morning can bring. Combined with the troubles that her friend had caused her, all of this led to B being fairly stressed out by all of the work she didn’t get done this past week, and we’ve had a couple of email exchanges and phone calls about how to be more disciplined and about her need to get back on top of things. But I am not worried about this; it’s part of figuring out how life works.
Last night I celebrated New Year’s with the same friends that I’d gone on holiday in the South of France with. I’d travelled to Frankfurt to celebrate with them. There were six of us (and a baby), we had fondue and it was a wonderfully quiet and peaceful event. B stayed in Berlin. She had a final confrontation with her friend whom she finally made leave, to stay with other people. B wanted to make sure to get this out of the way before the new year began, and I think that was good. She’d been suffering enough from this ego-centric troubled person. Today, I am sitting on the train back to Berlin.
This is 2012. 2011 brought me a great many things – a redefinition of my job and a new colleague who is an important sparrings partner, an amazing trip with a classical orchestra that inspired me and gave me confidence, the launch of a political initiative that may become fairly important in the new year, and a woman who does not stop to amaze and excite and amuse and enchant me. I don’t know how much I will be writing here in this new year. My hunch is that it will be less than in 2011. We will see.
Happy New Year!
P.S.: I am freaking out about my arm and about my health. I’ve been having a weird arm ache for weeks now, and on the train I read an article about someone who had pain from a nerve that was blocked by a tumor. And over Christmas, my father had told me that a Doctor had thought his arm pain might also be due to a tumor (but wasn’t). Why do I have to be freaking out like this at the beginning of a new year?
P.P.S.: I wanted to see B briefly after returning to Berlin. Briefly never works with us. I stayed for three and a half hours … And it was so good to be there. (But I am still freaking out and will go to the Doctor’s tomorrow.)