I Just Can’t Stop.

Yes, I said last week that it’s all over. But I couldn’t withdraw and pull down the curtains. I’m here in the office with N every day. I will stay in this town for longer, for work. So on Sunday night last weekend, I sent her an email in which I said that I didn’t want to completely cut the connection. It had been such a crazy ride that we’ve been on ever since I got here, and I wanted to try and see if we couldn’t take a step back and get to know each other. Like we had wanted. Slowly. And that there would need to be rules, like no more Skype flirting, and texting and stuff. So I could protect myself. She really liked that. And we had a beautiful evening together on Tuesday night. We went out to have dinner, at the same place where we went in November. And it was the loveliest night. We had a really good time together.

On Thursday was Valentine’s day. I made her a little card, and hid two roses in her drawer at the office. She was stunned by those. The same day, we had our own little conference here, and I spoke. She loves to hear me speak. We resumed the Skype flirting. I am as crazy about her as I have ever been. On Friday, important changes here at the local company were announced. That will increase my role here for a while. She was a little shaken by it. That evening, we sat in a bar with some colleagues, having drinks. The office dog ended up sitting between us, and we both patted her. Touching the dog was such a replacement for touching each other. It was crazy. I could feel how she almost couldn’t take it anymore and then left because of it. The connection between us is so electric. I have never known anything like it. Who knows, maybe it would all go away if we did have sex one day. Let me rephrase this: who knows, maybe it will go away once we do have sex.

Last night, we went out with another colleague and her boy-friend. I so yearned for N. I touched her briefly, twice. When they dropped me off, I over-heard her having a brief conversation with her boy-friend on the phone. She saw immediately how that affected me. Later, she got in touch through Whatsapp and we started flirting and chatting on Whatsapp until 2 in the morning …

And today I know that she is in “her other world”, and I am lonely and desperate. Oh man. What a life. I need to put some more distance between us, somehow. Next week I will be travelling. That will take care of it all by itself, I guess. Tomorrow morning, we’re meeting at the station, for an hour to do Italian-German tandem conversation. And I am really not interested in anything else until then …

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About The Outer Rim

I am trying to remember my life. By posting about it. Starting January first 2011.
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