This is my walk through the desert now. For the last time I have been attracted by the fata morgana that I dreamed and hoped would provide me with the most wonderful delicious water and fruit and shade and happiness in my desert. Now I finally know what it is – a fata morgana. I will no longer stray off my path, and keep walking.
I am still very much in love with this woman. Yet every day at the office I will need to look past her, and somehow deal with the fact that the woman I’d like to spend the rest of my life with has firmly decided that she is spending the rest of her life with someone else. Period. And that is hard. Every day. Sometimes – when there is a fun evening, or a nice encounter – it’s easier. Sometimes it really sucks. Like on Friday night, yesterday, when I was just really really hurting.
Today is also not more than okayish. But I will get through this. No matter how long it takes and how much it hurts. It just sucks to know that it will keep hurting for quite some time.
At least I am really sleeping again.