I sat down with Ursula and Steve for dinner tonight, after long day of dealing with my past, in the form of all this stuff in my apartment that I am cleaning up and cleaning out. They tend to be a bit on the depressive side as well, so I was not sure how fun an evening this might end up being. But then we really ended on a high note — reminding ourselves that these pasts that we can look back at were really worthwhile, and that there may be good reasons for why we are where we are today.
I came up with this thought again, a thought that I need to think more often — that it is only right and just that I didn’t meet a person I would marry when I was 26, because it would have never worked. And that now, after I having been able to take care of quite some stuff professionally, and finally having an idea who I am and what I want from life and from a relationship, I am only now beginning to be ready for this anyway. So there is absolutely no reason to cry over things that haven’t happened yet. Because I’d probably be dealing with a failed family, and with shattered dreams, and sadness, and ties that hold me down. Things I don’t have and should be happy about.
I need to hold this thought, and keep it, and nourish it, and make it live within me, because it can make me happy. How good to have friends.