Groundhog Day.

I am sitting in my apartment at 31°. Man.

Another crazy two weeks have passed. And once again, things have unfolded like in “Groundhog Day”. Another break-down of mine last Monday, in which I give in and start a conversation with N about how to go on (this time on Whatsapp, once more), and she talks about leaving the company, and we agree that this needs to end, and there is sadness and desperation on all sides. (Except on her boyfriend’s side, who must still be blissfully unaware.) In one hour I am meeting her, for another business trip. I will spend some 30+ hours with her, and the agreement was/is that we would use the trip back on Monday night to speak out about things that we haven’t spoken out about, mainly her speaking out about her life, which she hasn’t done yet. I have a plan, and things to say myself, and I am scared and sad and fearful.

What else. Last weekend, I did a crazy moving exercice. I took a plane back to Germany on Thursday really early in the morning. Drew picked me up at the airport with his little van and a trailer (which was already carrying my motorbike), we went to my old place, loaded my last things into the van, and then drove all the way down to Italy, in one go. It took us until 2 AM; we were in bed at 3 AM. The next day we slept in, had lunch with the team (N was beaming), and then drove to Munich, spent the night there, and then drove all the way up to Berlin again on the Saturday. I stayed in my place for one last night and flew back down to Italy on Sunday morning. Crazy stuff.

I met an interesting woman at an Expat Meetup in town last Tuesday, but she didn’t respond to my email afterwards. We finally had a business breakthrough that made us all in the Italian team really happy. On Thursday night I went to Munich and saw a drama piece that Steve had written, it was the premiere, and it was amazing, and wonderful, and he was really happy. I spent the Friday at the office, and also the Saturday and came back only this morning. Why? Because another colleague here in the office got married, and I couldn’t go because N was going with her boy-friend, and I just didn’t want to see that.

And now I am going on a trip with her. I have been thinking many thoughts these past days about her, and I have some things to say to her that may actually make a difference. Who knows. But until then, it remains a never-ending story.

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About The Outer Rim

I am trying to remember my life. By posting about it. Starting January first 2011.
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