It’s a Fight.

I just left a WA group with both mobile phones that I was subscribed to it with. It’s the group from the office team. N is on that group, of course. She left for her holidays yesterday, and I was looking forward to this time, knowing that she would be far away in Asia for more than two weeks, and that I would be on holiday when she comes back, and that I could find some peace in my heart and mind, during this month of August. I would not be in touch with her for a full month. And I was already beginning to find some calm, and to work on my emotional and mental distance.

And then today in the afternoon, as I was out and about with my parents, I looked at my phone and found that she was posting her first holiday photo … a beautiful pool overlooking some nighttime skyline. I DO NOT FUCKING NEED TO SEE YOUR HOLIDAY PHOTOS, WOMAN! The problem is: it’s the office group, and she has every right to share her holidays with her colleagues, whom she loves, and who are her friends.

So the only way for me was to leave the group, with both of my numbers. And everyone in the group will see that I left the group. And they will want to know why. I’ll be back in Italy in the office on Wednesday. Maybe they’ll ask me. Maybe they won’t. And I have no idea what to answer. But I cannot help it. I need some peace of mind, and this is the way to get it. Maybe it’s better when I am off that group altogether. No more messages from her, no more updates from her.

But I am so angry somehow. And my parents had to feel that again. I was doing so well on this visit so far. I was happier and had it together better than they’d seen in a long time. And then shit like that has to happen.

But I will use this month wisely and get out of it. I am having ideas and positive thoughts, and I am ready to find happiness within myself, and to let go of this nightmare of a dead-ended love that only caused pain. But it’s a fight.

And tomorrow is my 41st birthday.


About The Outer Rim

I am trying to remember my life. By posting about it. Starting January first 2011.
This entry was posted in Family, Job, Relationship and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.