I went mountain-biking for the first time in my life yesterday, with a new friend here in Italy, Juan. It was really intense, but also really nice. I bought a really nice mountain bike online over the summer and had it delivered to the Italian office. I did get an expensive bike, and it may be an investment that maybe is a little big for a kind of sport that I have never done before … but I just wanted to get myself a nice bike. And the first trip was promising. And today my legs didn’t even hurt! Even though we did do some work yesterday.
Juan stopped by earlier today, too. He was interested in my new electric motorbike that I finally got. It replaced the earlier one that I had and that broke. In August I took a trip (that also took me to our company headquarters), to this guy in the south of Germany who is crazy about selling these electric motorbikes. And so I got a new one from him.
It’s amazing. It’s unlike anything else on the streets of this city. Pac has been suggesting that we start a café here and sell them here, too.
Man. I just saw that my last post was from July 20th. That’s the longest break I ever took from blogging since I started this blog. So much has changed since July. I have a girl-friend now. Yes. I do. I met her through our company, she works at headquarters. We kind of crashed into each other, I had planned a week at headquarters over the summer (also, maybe a little, to meet her … but it’s always good to spend a little bit of time at our central office), and I ended up staying the week at her place. And it was really intense.
Sex played an important role. And since then, this girl – Nana – has changed the way I feel about sex, my most recent experiences in that area have not been so (confidence-)inspiring, but it didn’t take her long too make that go away, and things have become really intense, and at first I thought she was just too girly and too young (she’s a lot younger than me), but the more time we are spending together, the better, nicer, deeper things seem to get. I went to see my parents in August, too, it was a really good week that I spent with them. On the way back, I stayed at her (Nana’s) place again. Since then, she’s come to spend two weeks at my place here in Italy as well. Which was difficult because it was connected with the project the two of us are working on. So we had to handle it carefully with the colleagues. And that was not easy for her, because she had to pretend not to really know me, and not to stay at my place. Long story. There is so much I could say about this, and I think that may also be the reason why I haven’t written here for so long. Because there seemed to be too much to tell.
Currently, we are constantly on FaceTime. I cannot see her for a month. On the one hand, I am happy to be by myself, I need that. On the other hand, it’s hard.
The company here in Italy is doing very well. I had to fire someone, one person, who really held us back – and that will lead to quite some more headache in the coming weeks –, but everything else and everyone else is doing really fine. Centrally, and the company overall is maybe doing less well. Some things I don’t know, and that’s better that way, and some things I do know and the bother the hell out of me, and I try to do something about them. There are some changes we have to make. I hope we will make them.
Earlier this week, I went to see my parents. My mother gave a presentation, she does that on subjects that matter to her. I was happy that I could surprise her with my presence, I’d set it up with my father as a surprise.
In all of this, I am not really happy. I am too bothered and concerned by the fucked up state of the world today. We are destroying the planet, more and more and more, while many democracies in the world are being corrupted and destroyed – the US being an important example, and also in Italy I see so many things just wrong. I read about European Union commissioners being in no way up to the task, corrupted, money-driven, about the background bullshit negotiations about trade deals that allow corporations to sue countries in back alley courts, while crazy idiot asshole terrorists from IS are killing people for sheer idiocy and self-aggrandizing assholery. Corporations and spying services seize hold of the Internet … Putin, Ukraine, Turkey, Syria, … I don’t know where to look, and what to do. And in my own life, I am also overwhelmed. By the choices I have to make. By what to do next in our company and outside of it. Afterwards. Should I try to make some of these wrongs right? What should I do? And I cannot even have free weekends because I keep having to deal with some admin shit that gets on my nerves.
On Tuesday, I will be talking to my therapist again, the one who helped me after the horrible time with B. I told her that I wanted to talk on the phone. I need to talk to someone about all of this, someone professional.
And I have a new idea for a web startup.
Crazy life. I am glad I found Louis C.K.’s show “Louie” on Netflix. At least he tells me that I am not alone – at 42 with all this craziness that we need to deal with every day.