The Month of February.

How can I possibily summarize everything that happened in the last weeks … I have not written since the 25th of January. It’s a vicious circle – at first, I think “well, one week, not much has happened, I can just as well wait another week …” And then weeks go by, and finally I don’t find the energy to write up everything that happened, so I keep procrastinating. Well.

After the week in Barcelona, I was in the Italian office for a week. I worked with the team (I had not seen people for five weeks!), and I had to have a couple of challenging conversations – we took a group of five people on board in September with limited contracts, and they were running out at the end of February. For two of them, the path was still unclear afterwards, and so I had to tell them that a month ahead of time, so they could prepare. And I met my music friends Tinto and Lenny on two evenings. Not for playing, just for hanging out. On the last weekend in January, I went to a baptism in the city. A guy I’d met scuba-diving in Sicily was having his son baptized. I enjoyed being at the church event, that was interesting. But the social thing afterwards was awkward for me, I am not a socializer, still unsure of my Italian, and by myself I am not very good at these things. I wished Nana had been there, but she was in Germany, of course. But she did give me moral support through the phone. On Sunday night, I did another one of our movie nights with Pac, at my place, with the projector. I don’t remember what we watched.

The following week, I had a couple meetings at our office in London, and then returned to Munich. The week after that was split between Munich and Milan as well. Later in the month, I did a long weekend with a day back home to see my parents, for my mother’s birthday, and then on to Berlin. Both Nana and I went to Berlin, we met there on Thursday night because she had an important audition on Friday that she had prepared for very intensively during the last weeks. She worked really hard, and really made some great progress. I was very proud of her, how dedicated she was, how deeply involved. They did not take her, and that was a not a major surprise, she was an outsider, after all. But it was an important experience. After that, we spent the weekend in Berlin as well – she met Kal, Adrian and his wife, and Cay, and Steve, Ursula and Marty, we  were staying with Steve and Ursula. It was not easy for her to meet all these people, who are all significantly older than her, and to meet them all in German (or almost all), but with a little bit of complaining, she got through everything alright.


The following weekend, I was traveling again. From Munich, I went to Berlin on Friday morning, for a little celebration on Friday evening. For lunch, I met a very interesting young entrepreneur who is running a new business that I find very interesting. I had no idea what the person would be like, but we hit it off really well, and I very much enjoyed meeting her. In the evening, we celebrated the sale of a company. I was a minority shareholder in an online agency that was sold earlier, which is making a big contribution to my future life plans, and that night, we had the dinner to celebrate. I don’t enjoy businessy dinners, but this one was really fun, because the people involved are all really cool. And then on Saturday morning, I took the train to Hamburg. Incidentally with Kal, we discovered the day before that we had planned to go to Hamburg on the same train, so we took it together. I’d gone to Hamburg to see my friend Chuck. We’d met through work a long time ago, he’s a journalist. We hit it off really well, and became friends. Surprisingly close friends, considering that we know each other from only very few encounters. He is a remarkable man. He’s gone through a very difficult period in his life, in the past two years. He broke up a relationship that was very important for him, realizing that he had to while doing an investigative project far away in another country. And while there, he also met his new girl-friend. We talked about everything, in a very personal, intimate way. That is what I really like about Chuck. There is no bullshit, no idle chatter. We talk about things that matter. I told him about Nana. That is how I like my friends. I don’t do “hey buddy, what’s up, let’s get the crew together and have beers” friendships. I do the intense type, one on one, exchange of thoughts. And that works wonderfully with him. So, of course, I was curious when I was to meet his girl-friend on Saturday evening, she was joining us for dinner. It. Was. Horrible. I felt that this new relationship was built for all the wrong reasons. I had a hard time spending the time with the two. And I was really happy that I could leave the next day (after sleeping on their sofa). And ever since, I have been struggling with whether I should talk to my friend about this. He seems happy. Or he says that he’s happy. And who am I to judge that this is not meant to be. But from all I can see, it seems wrong.

What else has been on my mind during these past weeks? Three things, one thing very positive, others a little less so. The negative ones are that I am concerned about a financial issue that I hope will not impact my future life plans. I am dealing with it, and after some intensive worrying, I got some more consulting, and even though they have not really gotten back to me with their final results, but I feel a little more confident now that everything will actually be totally fine. The other thing: I have yet another health scare. This time, it’s my eyes. They have been bothering me a lot all through the past year. But now it’s getting to a point where there is a burning and a pain that I cannot ignore. They seem so tired. I don’t know what it is – the climate, the wrong glasses, the heated rooms in winter time … Plus yet another eye doctor in my hometown diagnosed yet another problem – eyes hurt from too many years of wearing contact lenses. Man. What kind of new bullshit is that? So this week, I finally wrote a long letter to my eye doctor, telling him about everything, and saying that we have to do something. What is the very positive thing? My relationship with Nana. She is a little miracle, a person so intense, yet so good, and so positive, and so energetic, she is so pure of heart, and so delightful, and we’re now having really great sex (!), after I thought that this was always going to be a little tense in some way, I feel now that it won’t. And she seems as happy with me as I am with her.

One last thing: work. Some things are positive, some are negative, it’s just the way it is. I will pull through this year, and then move into a new era. And the two people I had to talk to about their contracts at the end of the month? One decided she wanted to leave anyway, and we could offer a job to the other. So everything ended up fine in that department, which made me really happy.

I am moving out of my Italian place at the end of the month, and I’ll spend more time at the German office. Not because of Nana – for us, it’s more of a beautiful side effect. It’s more to do with work stuff. The move will cause some stress in the coming weeks, but I am overall happy about that. Now I have a weekend alone down here in Italy, which is nice, too. I can get some things done, and be inside my own head.


About The Outer Rim

I am trying to remember my life. By posting about it. Starting January first 2011.
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