In the second week of March, we had our second intensive workshop which Nana and I worked on together, it’s the project through which we met. I have not really talked about this before, it’s a one week training programme that I invented and designed with her for our company. This time we trained a group of thirteen people from all over Europe. I was more involved this time around, and it was really tiring.
The week after that, we had an international workshop in Turkey, in Istanbul. It was very intense for me. I think this is where it started that I felt really under pressure from work. The workshop was all about how to better market our services and find clients, and this is something where I have recently seen problems in the areas that I am responsible for. The workshop itself already fairly drained me, and after the workshop was over (three days), I had to stay longer because mine and Pac’s flight to Italy was cancelled. Some strike in Italy. So I stayed another day, had to go to a potential client and help a colleague sell. And since then until this weekend, I have felt some really intense pressure. I have really not been doing well these past weeks.
Then when I got to Italy, I had to do all my packing. In the following week, I was going to leave my house, and move all my stuff back to Germany, one part to Nana’s place – she had agreed to put up with me for this year – and the rest to storage in Berlin. The big part of the haul was going to be done by a moving company that came the following wednesday. I was going to take the rest of my stuff to Germany in my own car. Moving house is really stressful, even more so when you are moving from a fairly stable home (one that you may not really feel happy in, but still, a home) to a somewhat more unstable situation, without a clear place to call your home. On the last weekend in March, Nana was so incredibily sweet to come down to Italy by car, and help me by bringing my car down. She came with her Mum, we hung out a bit, and on Sunday packed the car, and drove back up north. Her mother had to fly, because the car is too small for the three of us and all my stuff. Actually, I had to leave some things behind in my company’s office.
The week after that, I went to my hometown. The original plan had been to go to my eye doctor, to whom I had written a long four page letter about all the issues that I’ve been having with my eyes. But then this superstorm came, somewhat knocked out the German rail services, and delayed me so that I could not take the doctor’s appointment. Well, I went anyways, and stayed until Easter. On Good Friday, Nana came up, too. She met my parents for the first time, and we stayed in the little cottage outside the city. We had smaller hitches here and there, but overall we got along well, and I think my parents liked her.
And then two more weeks, the first at our headquarters’ and at Nana’s place, and the second at the office in Italy. This last week in Italy was super-intense, so much to do, so many things happening at the same time, that when I got back to Nana’s on Friday night, I realized that I was completely exhausted. Yesterday, I had some mild form of exhaustion-related depresssion, I think. Feeling this, and thinking about this, and talking to Nana about it, I realized that it was time to shift down, and take a step back, and get some distance between myself and the job. I need to carry on until the beginning of next year, but I won’t if I keep going on like this. This is not good. Gladly, I think I made a breakthrough in terms of figuring out what to do about my job in Italy, and I realized what needs to happen to improve things.
I’m on my way to Berlin now, on a train.