Betrayed.

I’ve known it all along. I really have. In my gut. But I never dug, I never searched to really know the truth. So it did not really come as a surprise when I found out in early September that three of my “friends” at the company — the guys who founded the place — have, for years, been allowing themselves very different salaries from the ones my colleague Sprite and I have been getting. The company is stretched out, we’re not doing as well as we should be doing, so I was looking for ways to save money. And then it turned out, accidentally, sort of, that some people have rather outrageous salaries. And they’re the ones who were supposed to have our backs — Sprite’s and mine, financially speaking.

But they didn’t. And now we have a problem. We had a meeting, and there has been lots of thinking, and an email that Sprite and I wrote. About what to do next. And things are in limbo, and not feeling well, and it’s not been nice doing my job while feeling betrayed. This just occupies mindspace, at a time when mindspace is scarce and should be occupied with other things. I am running on empty as it is, trying to make it through the last months here at the company, dealing with the fact that we are so underperforming. And now this thing is an additional load. And the worst part: somehow I even feel bad for raising it, and turning it into a problem for everybody. Why should I feel bad, it’s them who screwed it up? Yet I do.

What else happened? Oh my, I almost forgot: I did go out and bought a Tesla. I don’t have it yet, it’s supposed to arrive at the end of October. But it’s exciting. I cannot wait to stop burning fossil fuels when I’m driving. It’ll be so cool. I also wrote a fairly passionate blog post about it and was surprised by the response I got. The thing collected more than 10,000 hits, something that doesn’t usually happen on my blog.

I have been in Italy a bit, too. The company is doing okay, even though we’re far far away from hitting the targets that we had. We will try to get some final effort going for the end of the year, and really ramp up the selling as much as we can; but that’s tough, our sales team is not really functioning. So I am not sure how much of that will actually work. Well, at least we’re breaking even. Our company in Italy is not losing money.

We also got the green light for replacing me in Italy, and building a management team locally from the team that’s there. That was one of my key projects for the handover. While we had the meetings to make this happen, the above thing with the salaries came out, but still, I made sure that the things on my watch don’t start slipping while we’re in the middle of it all.

Nana and I went to Berlin one weekend, to my friend Axl’s wedding with his boy-friend. It was a slightly stressful weekend, because the night before Steve and Ursula also had a big event, where he had written the lyrics to a big sports event gala thing, and I went there, too, with my parents.

And currently, I’m dealing with another little health concern again … But I’m not going to go into that today …

Last night, Nana and I went to the opera and saw “Madame Butterfly”. At first it looked like we couldn’t go, because there were no seats left. But then as we were standing outside thinking about what to do instead, surprisingly a young guy just gave us tickets that he himself had gotten as a present, and couldn’t use. So nice! Nana loves opera, and seemed to really enjoy herself. For me it was the first opera, and even though I found it all a little long at times, I did get why some people love it. I was just a little disappointed by how traditional all of it was. No attempt to try and tell this in a contemporary and presently meaningful way. But fittingly, this also was a story of betrayal.

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About The Outer Rim

I am trying to remember my life. By posting about it. Starting January first 2011.
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