I am in Austria today. I came here to meet with my friend Kal, just for a dinner. He comes to this one particular hotel fairly frequently, because he does film projects for them, and so they let him stay for free. So this weekend I joined him just for a relaxed evening. Before I left Munich, I was wondering what to do, in the wake of the terrible attack in Paris. And I realized that there is nothing to do. Or rather: it is my absolute obligation to not change any plan, to not even change my behaviour in any way, because that is exactly what these terrorist assholes want.
It sometimes seems to me like people treat terrorist attacks like earthquakes. “Oh my God, we need to mourn the dead, and we need to pay respect, and we need to think about this, and reflect, and halt our daily lives, etc.” When in fact that is absolute stupidity. Because that is what the terrorists want. An earthquake is nature showing us its might, and its power, and its awesomeness, and it probably serves us well to hold on for a moment, and reflect, and appreciate the earth’s power, and mourn the dead.
But terrorist attacks are not like that. The terrorists do not primarily want to kill people. They want us to be horrified about them killing people. They are not an earthquake. They are people who do this as a PR project. It’s about the PR, the publicity, it’s not about the dead. The dead are “just” a means to an end for them.
So the one thing we MUST do is: carry on regardless.
Which is why I am here. I went swimming this morning in the hotel pool. Kal had already left, he had to get back.
The last days were a little strange. My relationship with Nana has entered into a new phase. We went to see my parents up north last weekend (we did the electric drive all the way and back, which was fun!). My mother gave one of her speeches, like she does. She prepares a subject that is of interest to her, and then she gives a little talk about it. My aunt and uncle came, too. And on the way back, Nana and I had a little argument in which she somehow seemed to realize that there was less passion or less enthusiastic infatuation from my side with her than the other way around. Well, I am older, fairly significantly older, and so that may very well be true. But that does not mean that what I feel is less important or less powerful.
But still, it seems to have had an impact on her. And she has slightly altered her behaviour towards me. Yesterday, we were fighting about cleaning and house-keeping things again. She really does have issues about this stuff, it seems. I am thinking about the relationship, and about the things we need to change, to make it better. We are in a tight spot — literally: the apartment is simply too small for two adult people to organize a life in it. And that needs to change. And the way we are too focused on our work problems — which are all related to the same company — and too little thinking about the nice things we want to and will do in the future, is just not healthy. We need to change our attitudes. For her, at this time, this may be difficult also because of her depressive spells that she has.
Well, I think we can be better together than we have been in the past weeks.
I’m off to Geneva today. I have meetings there tomorrow and on Tuesday.