It’s hard to summarize what happened in the last weeks. It’s been so long ago that I last wrote, middle of August. That feels almost like a lifetime away (only slightly exaggerated …).
From the middle/end of August onwards, we entered the hot phase of development and preparation for the political event that Maik and I had started preparing about a half-year ago. In early September, we spent four days at the country house, to get the bulk of the show put together in a single presentation document. When we came out of those four super-intensive days – day and night nothing but that project, in really close quarters with the very intense Maik (and me being no less intense) – I really had a bit of cabin fever. And then we had one more week to prepare the actual show, in other words: finalize everything, rehearse, bring all the moving parts together and make the whole damn thing happen. On the last night before the show, I was really worn out and depressed. Working with Maik was and is hard, we are not easy on each other, there is often tension and friction. And that really wore me out. Luckily, the show itself went incredibly well. It was a lot of fun, and we really did a good job, really proved to ourselves and to our audience (the house was sold out!) that we can deliver something new and fresh and helpful. So in that respect, it ended up very gratifying. Afterwards, there was a sense of relief. I had been struggling so much with the disastrous state of the world, and the catastrophe that mankind is in the process of creating, and with my being part of it, and my inability to come to terms with it. But the show itself then seemed to be the very thing that I needed to come to terms with these problems. It liberated me. There was a real sense of relief afterwards. Two days later we had the general election in Germany, with some fairly disastrous consequences and fucking 13% for the neonazis. But still, since then I feel I’m on the right path, and I understand what my contribution needs to be.
Nana and her new boy-friend came for the show, too, and I was happy to see her, and he seems like a nice person, and it was really sweet that they came over for the show. And my parents came, too!
The following evening, Brandon’s girl-friend celebrated her birthday, and I was there with Ian, and it was really fun, and it felt like for the first time in months I knew how to be relaxed and even flirt a little, and just hang out and chill. That’s actually mostly what’s been happening since the show, I’ve been chilling, recharging the batteries. I’ve been alone a lot, and sometimes lonely, but even my online-dating (which I usually abandon and then only pick up again in very sad moments, which is a bad idea) seems to produce some more interesting results, now that my profile seems to show that I have found my place in life again. I haven’t met anyone yet, but it’s really the first time that I’m getting responses from women who seemed really interesting based on their profiles. Who knows, maybe there’ll be a date or two this week. (That Sicily holiday idea that I mentioned in my last posting went absolutely nowhere, by the way.)
Funny enough, I even felt the urge to buy some clothes. The other day I went out and bought some flashy sneakers (and got compliments for them just the next night!), and some other clothes, too. Maybe I’ll be more into taking care of my looks, now, too.
Also, I’m thinking about simply hiring Ian. We get along so incredibly well, working with him on the sounds for the show (which we did) went totally well, and was a lot of fun, and I am fairly convinced that we can build some business working together. And that would liberate him from the drab nine-to-five job that he currently has, and we could work on all the fun projects that we want to work on. I am in the process of trying to figure out how much that would cost, and how we could pull it off.
A week before our show, I travelled across the country to see Steve’s new theatre piece. It was, once again, an incredible piece of work, and it really impressed me, because of the heart and the passion and the sense of justice and courage that spoke from it. Him and Ursula couldn’t unfortunately come and see our show because they had booked their holiday then, but I am hoping to be able to show them the recording of our show.
This week will also be slow, there is a holiday tomorrow, so lots of people are out of town, including Maik and Ian. This morning I read in an email that a guy I went to university with died earlier this year, from a stomach ulcer. I cannot really believe that.