The catastrophe has been digested. My sleep has returned to normal — which I am very grateful for. That was the last thing that was still lingering … I am back to being the old me again, more or less.
That also means: I am, once again, an involuntary single and trying online dating. It’s not really happening, though. It’s not as enjoyable as it seemed last autumn. Then, there was an optimistic feeling attached to it. I can’t quite say why, but I was just confident that something good was going to come out of it. Well, it did, sort of. And then it ended really not good. And now I don’t know.
The experience with F left my with question marks: How involved and excited should I be after a first date? I wasn’t that keen after the first with her. It grew. Over time, and then very quickly. Now I go to dates, I am not overly excited, but I wonder: should I keep at it? For that later discovery? But then the women aren’t excited either, and so it does not go on … is that a reason then for me to be disappointed?
Last weekend, I went to see my parents. I got really sad again, it’s because with them, I can somehow not deal with the fact that I’m alone. It’s so sad, I want them to see me happy, and I want to enjoy my time with them, they’re not going to be around forever. So I leave them disappointed in myself …
Other than that, the band is happening. It’s evolving, and it’s fun. It’s turning into a really good thing. We’ve had two rehearsals with a drummer now. Good vibe.
The week before last I spent in Copenhagen, I was at the international documentary film festival, and got lots of inspiration — and confidence in our own film project. We’re on the right path, we just have to keep moving forward.
Ian and I have redesigned our collaboration. We’re now focusing on deadline rather than working hours in the office. I have the hunch that this might be a better approach.